’Tis the Season to Be...

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Welcome back to Mind by Fire.

Thanksgiving has passed, and now we officially start the countdown to Christmas.
If you pay attention this time of year, you’ll notice something interesting: people don’t hide their stress — they broadcast it.
Lines are long, tempers are short, plans get messy, and small frustrations feel bigger than usual.
The holidays bring out more gratitude…
but they also bring out more complaining.

And when complaining rises, gratitude gets quieter.

That’s why this week, we’re revisiting something powerful: the No Complaining Rule — not as a cheesy holiday mantra, but as a nervous-system strategy. A way to protect your energy, your presence, and your emotional stability during a season that pulls your brain in opposite directions.

One Brain-Based Insight: Why Holidays Make Complaining Feel Natural

It’s natural to express frustration — your brain is wired for it.
The moment you voice frustration, you get a small dopamine release.
Not because the situation improved, but because the brain likes the relief of expressing tension.
Your brain rewards the release, not the resolution.

The moment you speak a complaint, you give it weight.
You shift the emotional spotlight onto yourself — look at what I’m dealing with.
And because dopamine reinforces whatever triggered it, your brain learns to repeat the pattern.
Complaining becomes a loop your neurons get comfortable running.

Underneath all of this is something deeper:
your brain’s built-in negativity bias.

Your brain is wired to notice what’s wrong faster than what’s right.
From a survival standpoint, spotting danger kept you alive — so even today, the brain gravitates toward inconvenience, conflict, stress, and uncertainty.

This bias means your brain automatically exaggerates the negative and underweights the positive.
Positive moments have to be consciously recognized to register — but negative moments stick instantly.

Holiday pressure amplifies this.
More noise, more expectations, more decisions — and the amygdala becomes more reactive.
Meanwhile, the rational part of the brain that keeps perspective — the prefrontal cortex — gets tired.

When that happens, negativity bias takes over automatically.

You start noticing every irritation.
Every delay feels personal.
Every inconvenience feels bigger than it is.

And because the brain looks for more of whatever you’re focused on, negativity compounds.
Not because the situations get worse — but because the filter you’re seeing them through gets stronger.

This is why the No Complaining Rule matters.
It interrupts the bias.
It stops your brain from feeding a narrative that drains your energy.
And it keeps your attention on what you can influence instead of what you can’t.

Reset Ritual: The No Complaining Rule — Holiday Edition

Jon Gordon teaches three simple principles that break the complaining cycle.
During the holidays — when negativity bias is louder — these three rules work like a neural reset button.

1. The “But → Positive” Technique

This strategy turns a negative thought into a constructive one.
When you notice you’re complaining, simply add “but…” and follow it with something true, positive, or solution-focused.

You’re not denying the frustration — you’re redirecting it.

Examples:

• “I don’t want to deal with this holiday traffic but I’m thankful I have the means to get where I need to go.”

• “I’m tired from running around but it means I’m showing up for the people I love.”

This breaks the negativity loop and forces your brain to shift into a more balanced perspective.

2. Focus on “Get To” Instead of “Have To”

Most people complain because they frame life as a burden:

“I have to work.”
“I have to run errands.”
“I have to deal with this.”

But when you switch “have to” → “get to,” your entire outlook shifts.

You realize:

• You get to go to work while others can’t find employment

• You get to drive while others don’t have a car or are too sick to travel

• You get to prepare for the holidays because you have people to prepare for

This shift turns obligation into gratitude.
It pulls your attention away from the negativity bias and brings your mind back to what’s going right.

3. Turn Complaints Into Solutions

The goal isn’t to eliminate all complaining — it’s to eliminate mindless complaining.

Mindless complaining focuses on problems with no intention to change anything.
Justified complaining identifies an issue and moves toward a solution.

Mindless: “This is annoying.”
Justified: “This isn’t working — what’s the fix?”

One feeds the problem.
The other retrains the brain to move forward.

One Grounded Reflection

All of this — the negativity bias, the complaining loop, the stress, the pressure — it’s easy to get caught in it without even noticing. But underneath it is something simple:

The holidays are meant to be enjoyed, not survived.

When we were kids, our only job was to wait.
We counted down the days.
We watched time move slow.
We felt the excitement build.
We were present without trying.

Now the days move faster.
Responsibilities stack up.
Pressure takes the driver’s seat.
And instead of experiencing the season, we rush through it.

But here’s the truth:

You’re working hard to create the moments and memories that matter — don’t miss them while you’re making them.

The No Complaining Rule isn’t just about staying positive.
It’s about clearing enough mental space to actually feel the good that’s happening right in front of you.

So take a second today.
Pause.
Breathe.
Look around.

Enjoy the work you’re putting in.
Enjoy the people you’re doing it for.
Enjoy the moments that are happening right now — not the ones you hope will happen later.

The holidays will pass whether you’re present or not.
Choose to be present.

If this hit you today — if it gave you a shift, a reminder, or a moment of clarity — shoot me an email. Tell me what landed.

And if you know someone who needs this message, forward it to them.
It helps the newsletter grow, but more importantly… it helps the right people feel a little lighter this season.

See you next week.
Stay grounded. Stay present.
Mind by Fire.

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Disclaimer: This newsletter is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.